polar bears working hard for a buck…in a mall
The holidays are stressful, onerous, and painful for reasons your therapist(s) could take months and years to analyze and spit back to you.
It goes back to your childhood, they’ll tell you.
Your parents didn’t love you enough. Or they loved you too much.
Or they were immigrants who worked themselves to your despair. (Your therapist permits you to blame them. Let it out. Be angry.)
Lining up for negotiation role play at Bullish Conference in Miami
Nothing speaks louder than action. So take some time during this season of frenzied feasting and shopping to plan and practice your big scary ask. Take action on building your negotiation prowess. Your future self will thank you.
The role-play is designed to be applicable to a wide range of situations, so you can use it regardless of whether you’re asking for a raise at work or negotiating a saner holiday plan with your loved ones.
Maybe you’re wondering, should you even bother practicing through role-play?
Totally up to you.
But does it work?
First day of #BullCon14, I’m checking in at the Surfcomber, and the friendly hotel staff behind the reception desk points to the Bullish banner and asks, “What’s that?” So I tell him, “Oh, it’s a conference for ambitious and feminist women. And that’s the brand logo. The founder co-opted the male symbol of power and put a unicorn horn on it to represent feminist unicorns” And he says, “Wow, I mean…just the bull itself is frightening enough.”
One of the things I’m most grateful for and proud of in 2014 was successfully negotiating a return to Bullish Conference by Jennifer Dziura. Dubbed a Powerful Summit for Ambitious Women, Bullish Conference is a glorious and busy weekend spent learning and rubbing sun-kissed elbows with an impressive assortment of astute businesswomen — or gentlewomen in Get Bullish parlance — at the vividly colorful Surfcomber Hotel in Miami.
Asking for votes and support, negotiating for bipartisan agreement in the Senate, speaking up for the victims of sexual harassment in the military, then cooking dinner at home for her toddler sons at the end of a long, hard day. New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand does it all with determined courage, near-evangelical confidence and the tenacity of…a honey badger.
Senator Kirsten Gillibrand
Talley Henning Brown works as Editor at Daggerwing Health. She attended Improv Your Way to Negotiation Prowess workshop and was kind to share what she learned from the experience in this excellent guest post:
Philosophies abound about how women should approach the many difficult angles of “empowerment in the workplace.” It’s 2014, so at this point, the entire female workforce has grown up in the age of “women’s studies” and every perspective that movement has birthed. What I have found in my adult life is that most of those perspectives are just a little too limited — and thus limiting.
Fall is here, meaning winter is just around the corner. Which kills me, every year. The cold weather and shorter days trigger a response in my body that turns me into a stiff, chronically fatigued and antisocial grouch. I hate it. Every winter I battle the impulse to give in and stay in, bundle myself in defeat and down, eat an endless supply of sweet pastries and mope like sorry old Rudolph before that fateful foggy Christmas Eve.
Winter sucks, but it doesn’t have to drain your ambition, focus and drive. We can overcome.
For the ballsy people reading this, I have some book recommendations to help you overcome your inner winter mope. I read them this summer, and they helped me lift out of anxiety and depression, become more present and grateful, and improve my negotiating skills.
The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee by Sarah Silverman
What does abundance look like for you? Photo by Melissa Maples.
What if you accepted the first offer for a new job without even blinking an eye at the lower-than-market salary figure. Worse yet, what if you didn’t even know you lowballed yourself? I’ve made this costly mistake a few times early in my career.
An oldie but a goodie from the treasure trove of anonymous insight, Reddit.
I work for a large multinational tech company, I regularly hire woman for 65% to 75% of what males make. I am sick of it, here is why it happens, and how you can avoid it.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for more, it’s not insulting or in any way going to affect your ability to be hired (we can always say no)
- When you ask for more, give a number! If you let me pick, I will continue to lowball it.
- Ask for raises, confident people get them more often than high performers in a heavy bureaucracy.
It was at the tail end of another long, hard day in the office that I received an unexpected call from head office in South Korea.
I picked up the phone and heard an angry male voice speaking in Korean.
“I’m fed up with your sloppy work. Why can’t you get your act together! You should be ashamed of yourself!”